The One?

Our cultural love story is that somewhere out there we’ll find “The One” who is our perfect match, meets all of our needs, and makes us forget about all of our problems.

We've been conditioned to believe that one person can and should meet all of our needs in relationship or there’s something wrong.

Our early education of relationships is mostly fantasy based and media programming, void of reality, nuance, and permission to be human.

There isn’t one single person on earth who will be able to meet all of your needs 100% of the time.

This isn’t to say you shouldn’t expect to have your needs met - or that it’s unreasonable to want and crave quality time, gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service and physical touch - but no matter who you end up with, they are a human being with their own unique needs too.

Those needs aren’t always going to line up. Sometimes when our partner can’t give us what we want in the moment, it’s an invitation to practice self-nurturance or reach out beyond our primary relationship to our other connections.

So many couples pair off and then forget about their friendships. They spend most of their time together, neglecting the other connections in their lives that can offer them unique value that they might not be able to get from their primary relationship.

It’s perfectly normal for a couple to not be everything for each other. That expectation isn’t reasonable, or all that balanced.

A healthy, Conscious Relationship can be life-giving. It can be a space that encourages us to practice being vulnerable, asking for what we need, and also, to recognize that things don’t always go our way.

Because we have very little reinforcement of the idea that our partner doesn’t have to be our everything, we might freak out or think to end it anytime something doesn’t go our way.

We have to learn to tame our inner story teller long enough to ground into reality and be present with what’s true in the relationship.

You are allowed to have needs. You are allowed to have expectations.

It’s also wise to do reality checks and leave some room for imperfection.